Sorry, I Shouldn’t Love You

“Hey Mia, look at that!” my best friend ever after shouted to me.

“What’s going on?” “It seems to me you see Christiano Ronaldo here!” I satirized her.

“How do you know?” my friend, Jolly, answered.

Well suddenly my brain tried to elaborate what she meant by “how do you know”, it seemed that yes there was Christiano Ronaldo in my campus. I tried to notice people around me, looked for somebody who may referred to by Jolly my friend. Yes, I found somebody with a beautiful physique like an athlete, riding a sporty motorcycle, but he has big eyes.

“Ahh, forget it Jolly!” I tried to cut my and her imagination about this guy. “Why? Because of his big eyes?” Jolly tried questioning my opinion.

“Yes, absolutely correct! Don’t talk about it anymore!” I ended the conversation and then left her alone in the park.

…..

Bump! My back was hit by someone who ran helter-skelter.

“Ouch!” I screamed up to top my voice and made everyone who was around turned their eyes to me. Well, people might think that I was too much at that time but I swore it felt so much pain to me. Could you imagine my small skinny body as if hit by a giant?

“I’m sorry, my mistake, I don’t see you because of I’m in a hurry!” said the giant. Oh my bloody gosh, the giant was the big eyes man, didn’t he use his big eyes to see me, I blasphemed in my heart.

I didn’t know exactly what happened after the big eyes man hit me, but when I opened my eyes I already in a clinic.

“Thanks God, finally you wake up from your fainting. You have been fainted about three hours.”

I tried to recognize the sound. When I got my consciousness full, I found the big eyes man put his nose close to mine, and then I became nervous.

“What are you doing? Put your nose away from me! I even can smell your mouth odour that makes me want to vomit! So please…!” this was what I meant by too much for me. Actually I didn’t want to vomit because of his mouth odour but I was nervous realized that he was very close to me.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just wanna assure that you already sober from your faint.” He tried to take up the cudgels for me.

“By putting your nose close to mine? Oh, come on!” I countered him.

I got up from my bed to go home, but my back was still hurt and it made me hard to breath.

“Let me help you.” The big eyes man helped me to go back to my bed.

“I’m sorry, because of my mistake you are now sick.” I could see his regret that sincerely reflected in his eyes. However, I still countered him not because I was angry but I didn’t want he realized that I was nervous nearby him.

“Is there anything else you can say besides sorry, huh? What happened to my body? What the doctor said?” I tried to switch my mind from him and started thinking about my back.

Without saying sorry anymore he said that there is a little bruised by strong collisions in my back. But fortunately there was no big deal. I just needed to take some rest for a couple of days.

“By the way, I’m Reza, Reza Suharto. What’s your name?” he held out his hand, but I didn’t respond him at all.

….

“Mia, wait for me..” somebody called me but I didn’t familiar with the voice.

“Hello Mia, how’s your back?” I got surprised, the big eyes man.

“How could you know my name Mr. Big eyes?” as usual I tried to counter him.

“Easy, just looked at your id card.”

“My id card? How you get that?”

“Mia…..” he called my name with a gentle soft tone and gave me a charming smile as if I was someone who close to him and he absolutely loved. Somehow I felt that way, silly me!

“Mia…do you remember who did take you to the clinic yesterday?” He continued.

“Aah, I see..” I got his point.

“So, how is it?”

“What?”

“Your back..”

I didn’t know what happen to me, but I felt so nervous at that time, since I could smell his mouth odour which wasn’t made me want to vomit at all, and felt our nose so close to each other, I couldn’t handle my heart beat when I remembered him moreover had a face to face conversation like this.

“Oh, my back? It’s getting better, don’t worry.” I answered him with a smooth shaking voice.

“Good, how’s about having lunch together after the class?”

Oh my God, this big eyes man tried to ask me for a date, yes, that what I was thinking about.

“Umm..Is it a date invitation?” Gosh, why I asked him like that, owh..again..silly me!

….

Day by day according to twist of fate, I became increasingly close to him. We share a lot of things together and all we’ve been through was beautiful, though I knew there was something wrong that I shouldn’t do. Our relationship went unnoticed for a long time even without any words like “Would you be my girl?”. We live moment by moment like a pair of lovers, until Reza asked me to take him to meet my parents.

“I wanna meet your parents, when would you take me to meet them?” Reza’s question suddenly reminded me to the reality that I shouldn’t love him.

“Umm.. You know what, I don’t think that meet my parent is a good idea.”

“Why not? Look.. actually I want to tell you this by the unforgettable moment, but I think it’s alright to tell you now.” My heart seemed know what would he said, but my mind refused to imagine what would he said.

“Mia…I would like to meet you parents to propose you, to talk about our future.”

“No, you won’t!” spontaneously I answered him with a loud and firmly so that made him confused.

“Why did you say that?” He tried questioning my answer.

“Well, I just can’t make it through anymore, better we end all this things by now.” I didn’t know how to explain the principal reason why we couldn’t bring this relationship further than now. Something that crossed in my mind day by day after having an intimate relationship with him was I had to end this as soon as possible before we loved more deeply to each other.

“End up? Are you insane Mia? What’s going on with you?” I could see his confusion from his expression but still I couldn’t explain it to him brightly.

“Ahhh… Just keep in you mind that I’m a bad girl and I never seriously build our relationship, that will help you to recover your heart then.”

I knew that I hurt him so much and left him with a big question about my decision, but me too, I did hurt too. I even couldn’t feel my heart still beating. I hope that this was the best for me and him.

….

“Mom, I’m home.” I just got home after the painful day with Reza.

“Have u got your dinner, Mia?” my mother asked me.

“Yes, I have it.”

“So, then please help your sister to have her dinner.”

I went to my sister’s bedroom with my sadness which I hide in. Not only because I ended up with Reza this day but also because something in my family. I tried to not crying every time I went to my sister’s bedroom.

“Hello my gorgeous sister, let’s have some dinner.”

“Praaaaannnggg!!!” The plate fell out of my hand. My sister did it. It might be because she didn’t take the medicine.

“Mom, please help me here!” I shouted to my mom, looking for some help.

My mom and I tried very hard to calm my sister. We even tied her in her bed. My family was a victim of the riots of the Mei 1998. My name is Amelia Liem, my father was killed by the all-out looting towards the Tionghoa by the native in Indonesia and my sister was be raped at that time. This was my principal reason why I shouldn’t love Reza Suharto as an Indonesian though I am an Indonesian.

***